Posts
as a treat for the weekend, we proudly present our own brian mulcahy's script of suspense filled story called
"Date Night".
enjoy!
“Date Night”
Page 1.
4 Panel Page
Panel 1 (a half-splash panel)
Description: The time is evening. It is dark out and the streetlights are on. The setting is the front of the Bella Luna restaurant, an authentic Italian eatery. A tall, dark-haired and handsome man wearing a suit under an open overcoat exits through the front door accompanied by a strikingly beautiful brunette located to his left who is wearing a trench coat cinched at the waist with a belt. Beneath her coat, she wears a black cocktail dress and black high heels.
Panel 2
Description: The couple is now on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant. The man, located on the left side of the panel, starts to lean in to kiss the women while she tilts her chin up inviting him to do just that.
Panel 3
Description: Suddenly the woman draws her head back and snaps her arm up between the two of them extending it toward him opened palm now inviting a hand shake rather than a kiss. The man’s expression changes to one of confusion.
SABRINA:
Thank you Mark, I had a lovely evening.
Panel Four:
Mark takes Sabrina’s hand and shakes it. The look on his face now one of disappointment.
MARK:
So did I. Maybe we can do this again some time?
SABRINA:
Maybe . . .
Date Night by Brian Mulcahy, Page 2.
4 Panel Page
Panel 1
Description: Sabrina, in the foreground, has turned away from Mark and has started to walk away from him. She waves to him over her shoulder, her fingers fluttering, but does not look back. Mark, in the background, is watching Sabrina walk away with a confused/disappointed look on his face and says to her back:
MARK
Would you like me to walk you home?
SABRINA:
No thanks, I’ll be fine . . . (whisper to herself) especially now that I’m out of range of that breath of yours.
Panel 2
Description: Mark watches as Sabrina walks away.
MARK
Okay, then . . . I’ll call you?
SABRINA
(thought balloon) Thank god for caller I.D., a girl’s REAL best friend.
Panel 3
Description: Mark, receiving no response from Sabrina, lets his shoulders slump and has a crest-fallen look on his face.
MARK
Smooth, Romeo, real smooth.
Panel 4
Description: Long shot of street. Mark and Sabrina walking in opposite directions, with Mark looking over his shoulder at Sabrina and Sabrina facing straight ahead
Date Night by Brian Mulcahy, Page 3
6 Panel Page
Panel 1
Description: Sabrina is walking down a street. Parts of the street are illuminated by streetlights, but parts are in darkness. There are a couple of cars on the streets, but no lights on in any of the windows of the buildings. Sabrina is the only one on the street. The only sound, the clicking of her heels echoing off the walls of the buildings.
SFX
Click, click, click.
Panel 2
Description: Sabrina continues to walk, but the sounds of her own heels are now joined by those of another person coming from behind her.
SFX
Click, click, click.
SFX
Thump, thump, thump
Panel 3
Description: Sabrina notices the sound of the second set of footsteps and stops to make sure it isn’t her imagination. The staccato beat of her heels echoing off the surrounding buildings stops, but the sound of the second set of feet continues.
SFX
Thump, thump thump.
Panel 4
Description: Sabrina’s face displays concern as she listens to the second set of footsteps.
SFX
Thump, thump, thump
Panel 5
Description: The look on Sabrina’s face suddenly changes from one of concern to one of exasperation.
Panel 6
Description: Sabrina quickly turns around, the look on her face now one of surprise as she sees that the street behind her is empty.
SABRINA: “Mark, I told you that I didn’t . . . ”
Date Night by Brian Mulcahy, Page 4
6 Panel Page
Panel 1
SABRINA: “Huh? I could have sworn . . . ”
Panel 2
Description: Sabrina hears the sound of flapping wings overhead and there can be seen the shadow of a bat flittering across the sidewalk where she stands. Sabrina has raised her head to the sky trying to see what is making the noise, but sees nothing.
SFX
Flap, flap, flap, flap, flap
SABRINA: “Probably just a pigeon.”
Panel 3
Description. Sabrina tightens the belt of her trench coat, turns back the way she was originally headed and starts walking again.
Panel 4
Description: Sabrina takes two steps and then stops short, frozen by what she sees. At the end of the block - on which she stands - is the silhouette of a tall man who appears to be wearing a long flowing cloak.
SABRINA: “Hello . . . ?”
Panel 5
Description: There is no answer from the man. Sabrina does not move, unsure of what to do. About three quarters of a block separate the two.
Panel 6
Description: Without a word or a noise, the man starts moving toward her. To Sabrina’s eye it looks as if the man is not walking, but rather is gliding toward her.
Date Night by Brian Mulcahy, Page 5
6 Panel Page
Panel 1
Description: Frightened, Sabrina turns in the opposite direction and begins to walk away from the man at a rapid pace. The man can be seen in the background gaining ground on her.
Panel 2
Description: Sabrina looks over her shoulder and sees that the man is closing in on her.
SABRINA
Help! Somebody please help me!
Panel 3
Description: Sabrina breaks into a full run charging down the street as if her very life depended on it, her pursuer no longer visible in the panel.
Panel 4
Description: Sabrina careens around a corner, almost falling, but righting herself before she falls to the pavement.
Panel 5
Description: Sabrina, who has continued to run down the block glances behind her to gage where the man is and sees only an empty street.
Panel 6
Description: No longer glimpsing her pursuer, Sabrina immediately stops running and slumps against the side of a building. Her breath is heavy and labored and she is sweating profusely with the sweat visible on her face and neck.
SABRINA: “huh, huh, oh my god, oh my god!”
Date Night by Brian Mulcahy, Page 6.
6 Panel Page
Panel 1
Description: Sabrina starts to gather herself and, looking around, notices that Bella Luna, its front window still brightly lit, is only a block and a half down the street.
Panel 2
Description: Sabrina, her heartbeat starting to return to normal, gathers herself and starts walking toward Bella Luna.
Sabrina: “Well, that’s enough exercise for one night. I think I’ll ask Luigi to call me a cab.”
Panel 3
Description: As Sabrina is walking toward Bella Luna she begins to pass in front of a darkened ally.
Panel 4
Description: A powerful arm shoots out of the darkness of the ally and grabs hold of Sabrina’s left arm.
Panel 5
Description: Sabrina is pulled so quickly and violently into the alley that one of her shoes comes flying off and lands on the sidewalk.
SABRINA
Ahhhhhhhhh!
Panel 6
Description: Once in the ally, the arm releases Sabrina and she is sent stumbling back against one wall of the ally that is illuminated by light from one of the streetlights.
Date Night by Brian Mulcahy, Page 7
6 Panel Page
Panel 1
Description: Sabrina quickly rights herself, takes off her remaining shoe, braces her back against the wall and, while clutching her shoe like a weapon, scans the ally trying to find her assailant.
SABRINA
If you come near me, I swear to god, I’ll drive this heel right into your skull
VAMPIRE (OP)
Right idea, wrong body part.
Panel 2
The cloaked man who had been chasing Sabrina emerges from the shadows gliding towards Sabrina. His features are still obscured by the darkness with the exception of two glowing red eyes coming toward her.
SABRINA
What . . . what do you want from me?
VAMPIRE
Well, since you were kind enough to ask, all this running around has made me a little . . . thirsty.
Panel 3
Description: Suddenly, without Sabrina seeing him move, the vampire is behind her.
VAMPIRE
But a brief moment of pain, my dear, followed by an eternity of pleasure.
Panel 4
Description: The vampire bends Sabrina’s head to the left to expose her neck. The sweat beaded up on Sabrina’s neck can be seen glistening in the light coming into the ally from the streetlight.
Date Night by Brian Mulcahy, Page 7 (continued)
Panel 5
Description: The vampire lowers his head towards Sabrina’s neck, his fangs now exposed.
Panel 6
Description: The vampire sinks his fangs into Sabrina’s neck.
Date Night by Brian Mulcahy, Page 8
3 Panel Page
Panel 1 (half-splash)
Description: The vampire’s head recoils from Sabrina’s neck with smoke and flames shooting out of his mouth. At the same time, the vampire instinctively thrusts Sabrina away from him pushing her back towards the sidewalk just outside of the ally.
VAMPIRE
AHHHHHHHHHH!
Panel 2
Description: The vampire, still screaming, stumbles away from Sabrina heading deeper into the ally clutching his still smoking head with both hands
VAMPIRE
Ahhhhhhhh!
Panel 3
Description: Sabrina lies on the sidewalk, one shoe still clutched in her hand, the other beside her on the sidewalk. She appears dazed and out of it. In the background, Mark can be seen running toward her.
Date Night by Brian Mulcahy, Page 9
6 Panel Page
Panel 1
Description: Mark has now arrived and is standing over her looking down with concern.
MARK
Sabrina, I heard screaming, are you all right?
SABRINA
“Mark . . . ?”
MARK
Here, let me help you up.
Panel 2
Description: Mark leans down and lifts Sabrina to her feet. In doing so, he brings her face close to his and his head recoils.
MARK
Whew . . . Sabrina . . . sorry, but you reek of . . .
SABRINA
Brimstone?
MARK
No, garlic.
Panel 3
Description: Sabrina disengages from Mark, and begins to gather herself together
SABRINA
Uh . . . well . . . so do you Mark. That’s why I didn’t want to kiss you earlier. I love Luigi’s cooking, but he can go a little heavy on the garlic at times.
MARK
Sorry, I didn’t even notice. You know, I think I read somewhere that if you eat enough garlic, it doesn’t just come out on your breath, but it can actually seep out through your pores and even comes out in your sweat
Panel 4
Description: Sabrina leans one arm on Mark to steady herself as she puts on her shoes.
MARK
So, what happened to you tonight?
SABRINA
I’m . . . I’m not sure. It’s all a little hazy, but I think someone tried to mug me. I guess it’s lucky for me you were still here. You must have scared him off. By the way, Mark, why are you still here?”
Panel 5
Description: Mark extends the crock of his arm to Sabrina inviting her to link her arm with his.
MARK
Well, I got about half way home and I was feeling a little down about the way our date ended, so I thought I’d treat myself to one of Luigi’s world famous desserts. Care to join me?
SABRINA
I’d be willing to share a cannoli, but on one condition.”
Panel 6
Description: Sabrina, with a small mischievous grin on her face and a slight red gleam in her eye, links her arm with Mark’s as the two start towards Bella Luna.
MARK
What’s that?
SABRINA
I get the last bite
Fin
Copyright Brian Mulcahy 2006
thanks for sharing your tale with us, bri!
have a great weekend, everybody!
todd
6 comments:
Stop encouraging him. ;P
I saw the picture of "Officer Mulcahy" and I thought, dear lord, at least he didn't find the one that Shawn got Craig to do of me and Coda.
One of the guys at my LCBS, is going to take a shot at illustrating a couple of pages from this one so any comments, suggestions, etc. on the story would be appreciated.
Brian,
That was a great story. I love the twist at the end. The excessive garlic driving away the vamp was a great idea.
My only suggestion would be to make the girl's aversion to kissing Mark a little more ambiguous. The thought balloon makes me think she doesn't like him. And then, her turn at the end that she does like him comes out of no where.
If she just rears back before the kiss, without thinking anything, it may play better. Then, the ending would fit a little better.
Otherwise, great story. Congrats.
Thanks Scott.
I think I need to set up the "garlic" breath, though, so how about something along the line of this for her whisper to herself.
"Nice guy, but man his breath is strong."
Hi Guys, Hope you don't mind if I chime in here. Fun story Brian and that's great someone is going to do some illustrations.
Here's my take on it as for suggestions:
Sabrina seems like a real witch, which at first was okay since I thought she was supposed to be and that she was just going to get hers once leaving Mark and venturing off in the dark on her own. However, the end makes it seem like she does actually like him (unless, she too, is now just thirsty), so I don't want her to seem so witchy up front. She just seemed so cold - especially with that dismissive ta-ta finger flutter over her shoulder. (Though I really do like that action of hers.)
I agree with Scott - make her recoil more as they get in closer for the kiss - I'm imagining a close up of just their faces - eyes closed, lips nearing - then whoosh - she jerks away with a degree of disgust on her face - eyes wide open. He's left kind of leaning forward, lip pucker changed to slack jawed bewilderment on his face.
I think if you have her next dialogue start with a note of hesitancy - uh, okay then; um; awkward stammering; something like that - before shooting her hand out to shake, then we'll know that something got her off kilter and that she isn't just playing this poor guy.
Then you don't need the breath reference which is really giving away too much - even I knew what the deal was when the vampire had the reaction he did - whether or not the breath reference made me immediately get it, I don't know, but if you can keep the huh? going until the reveal in her interaction with Mark - that would be great.
Also, as she walks away from him in the opening scene, just to tone down the witchiness factor a bit (though in my book she still is regardless - not giving the guy a chance because of having bad breath after eating Italian - sheesh :-) maybe she could thought bubble some exasperation as she is tata-ing him over her shoulder - something like, "Why do they all have to have something..."
The only other suggestion is that I think Mark should kneel down next to her when she is on the ground - it would be a natural reaction and would nicely juxtaposition against your opening scene - them close together physically and emotionally - but as their faces get closer - the recoil.
Are you going to be able to post illustrations when you get them - I hope so - I look forward to seeing them.
Thanks Alison, great suggestions.
As for posting, I'll have to check with the artist, but I'm hoping to eventually have the whole story done and try to find a publisher so you might just get to see the whole thing one day.
Post a Comment