Friday, December 14, 2007

and the best...


the other day i went on about the worst christmas present i ever gave. got a lot of personal comments on that and a lot of great responses. thanks to everyone who shared their own frustrating fathers stories. i guess that evoked some memories here and there that weren't really the happiest of holiday memories. sorry 'bout that.

so to correct that and get us all heading in the merry direction again, here's the best gift i ever gave.

big fluffy yellow ones.
to my mom.

i think i was about 11 or 12 and had started working mowing lawns and odd jobs that summer and fall and was so proud to be able to spend my own money, that i had earned to buy my family presents for christmas. probably more like 12. of course, dad was that problem--i think that's the year i did get him some kind of wacky tool; a telescoping rod with a magnet on the end to pick up stuff that had fallen down behind the workbench. my brother, probably some toy on his christmas list that was within my (limited) range. and mom...oh, my mom...
my mom was my best friend, especially at that time in my life, me being shy and, y'know, sensitive. she was an incredibly compassionate person and could read me like a book. we communicated very easily--sometimes telepathically--and she had no problem telling me, very simply, that what she would really love from me for christmas were a pair of slippers. her feet were always cold, she told me, and some nice warm slippers would make her feel so good.

so i went hunting, in my then very small town, for the warmest, warmest slippers i could find.
this being the seventies, it wasn't very long before i came upon, in one of the more trendier shops (very conservative town was rhinebeck...), the biggest, fluffiest, yellowest, warmest looking slippers i ever saw. sure, they looked like they had just been amputated from the end of big bird's drumsticks, but they looked so warm.

now, my mom was pretty conservative too--even in her own home where no one would see her--and these were definitely not any kind of slippers that she would pick out for herself. and when she opened them...

...she looked at me and beamed, her face so full of love and appreciation, and she thanked me and kissed me and hugged me and tried them on and hugged me again and she wore those huge freaky (awkward) yellow slippers for years until they fell apart and i was so happy that i had made her so happy. and her feet warm.

"five for friday"

1. who said the infamous words, "we will bury you."?

2. whose last words were "either this wallpaper goes or i do."?

3. in 1994, on weekend update, norm macdonald announced that two actors were in "a heated competition in the Academy's controversial new category: Best Retard." who were the actors and for what movies?

4. "imagination is more important than knowledge."

5. "no matter where you go, there you are."

have a great weekend!
smell ya later!


Christian D. Leaf said...

My brother topped me in the best gift for Mom by getting her a bottle of Dom Perignon(sp). She always wanted one and that dirty, little so-and-so got it before I could.

For the Fiver:

1. Nikita Kruchev(sp)
2. Oscar Wilde
3. Don't know.
4. Albert Einstein
5. Buckaroo Banzai

Anonymous said...

The only 1 I know is:
5. Peter Weller in "Buckaroo Banzai"

Have agreat weekend.

Scott Weinstein said...

That's a great story about your mom. It reminds us what this time of year is about.

I've always had trouble getting gifts for my mom. She never seems to want anything. My dad on the other hand is very good at dropping hints about what he wants. Let me rephrase that. Dropping hints inplies some level of subtlty. He just talks about what something he likes for ever, and that's how you know what to get him.

I'm stumped on trivia. And I'm kicking myself for not knowing the Norm one. I think one of them is Tom Hanks, but I can't remember the other.

Colin said...

1. Shoe-bangin' Russian primier Nikita Kruschev

2. Martha Stewart's ex-husband

3. Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump and Leo DiCaprio in What's Eating Gilbert Grape?

4. Albert Einstein

5. Austin Powers

Brian said...

Making up for the fact that he was the recipient of the worst Christmas Gift I've every given, in 2004, the year the Red Sox ended 86 years of misery, I snagged three Green Monster seats at Fenway Park and took my brothers Jay and Cary to the game as an early Christmas gift that year. My brother Jay just missed catching a home run ball by inches - lucky for him because that thing was moving so fast it could have broken some bones - but we did end up on TV for a couple of seconds.

Now on to the Five for Friday.

1. Nikita Krushchev

2. Quentin Crisp

3. Tom Cruise and ?

4. I can't imagine.

5. One of my favorites, but I don't recall where I first heard it.

Matt Wieringo said...

I only knew the Buckaroo Banzaii one. I use that line all the time. When I'm not threatening to "put some Sug' Avery pee in it."

For number 3, maybe one of the so-called "retards" was Dustin Hoffman in RAINMAN?

todd said...


i really thought that these would be easy...

okay--let's see how everyone else does and i'll post 'em on monday.

have a great weekend!

Brian said...

The funniest bit Norm ever did was when he reported on the survey the revealed the "Worst Job in America."

"Crack Whore." It was so unexpected and his delivery was so spot on, my sides hurt from the laughing.

I don't now if it was a full year later, but down the road he again reported on the results of the worst job in America survey, and this time it was

"Apprentice Crack Whore."

Warren said...

Hey! This week I know all five answers!

1. Joseph Robert Greene Jr. -- owner of Greene's Funeral Home

2. The guy whose wife accidentally suffocated him while they were redecorating their home.

3. The easy answer would be Jim Carrey and Tom Hanks from Dumb and Dumber and Forrest Gump respectively, but the true ananswer is Brad Pitt from Interview with a Vampire and Brad Pitt from Legends of the Fall.

4. I wholeheartedly agree, but my employer seems to feel differently...

5. But I'm not here.

And, Todd, don't feel bad about bringing up bad memories last week. I'm skilled at finding the downside in almost any situation.

And the slippers story is sweet. You're a good son.

Heywood Jablomie said...

Hi Todd-

Thanks for sharing the story of your mom, it was very touching and sweet. Ya did good kid!

As for my best gift, surprisingly it's slippers as well, haha. Last year my gf and I were at the mall and she saw this pair of slippers from Hot Topic, with skulls all over them, and she flipped her sh!t, literally over them, but they were expensive and she didn't want to buy them for herself. So when we were leaving the store I snuck back in and bought them for her. When she opened them on christmas she totally flipped again. As for a gift for mom, I always wimp out and go easy on her, but one year I did buy her her fave perfume which cost a small fortune, and while grateful she got mad that I spent that much on her.

As for the Five-fer the only one I know is #5-Buckaroo Banzai, man that movie was great. Did anyone pick up the comic by any chance? I was tempted but never did.