Tuesday, December 05, 2006

brian's story--"down in the dump" part 2


i really have nothing to say.
here's part 2.



Half splash of a large cavern with too many passageways leading off in too many different directions. Molly floats and Arisa, MG and Big stand looking around the cavern trying to decide which way to head.

Molly: There are so many passageways, how do we choose?

MG: We could check them all to see if there are any signs of recent passage.

Big: I’m not sure we have that kind of time.

Arisa: Let me see what I can do.

Arisa moves to the center of the cavern and begins to psychically probe for any signs of life.

Arisa: I’m getting something.

Arisa begins to move toward one of the passageways followed by Molly, MG and Big


Arisa arrives at the mouth of the passageway to which she was headed her face tense with concentration.

Arisa: Yes, this is it, I’m definitely getting something from here, I’m . . . . wait . . . what . . . huhhhh, ahhhhhhhh!

Arisa’s eye’s roll up into her head, her body goes rigid and she begins to fall backwards. Molly instinctively reaches out to catch her, but Arisa passes right through her arms. Luckily MG is right behind Molly and is able to grab Arisa before her head smashes into the hard cavern floor.

Molly: ‘Ris . . . (obvious concern and some trepidation in her voice)

MG: Arisa . . . Arisa . . . Arisa . . . (a passion and concern in his voice surprising to all present including himself)

Big: (to MG) Quick give her to me and hold this light so I can see what I’m doing.

Big checks Arisa out as best as he can under the circumstances.

Molly: Big . . .

MG: How is she?

Big: Well, physically, her vital signs are good, but mentally she’s unresponsive. As best as I can determine she’s in some type of catatonic state. It’s as if her mind encountered something that so over whelmed her that she just shut down.


Molly: What do we do now? Should we keep looking for Choopie or should we get ‘Ris back to base.

MG: At this point my gut tells me we’re not just Choopie best chance, we’re his only chance. So I say we keep going.

Big: I agree with MG, plus it will be next to impossible to get Arisa out the way we came in given her current condition.

Molly: Then it’s unanimous. Onward and downward.

Molly floats ahead into the passageway, her role as team scout now almost second nature to her followed by MG holding the blaster and the Big who scoops up Arisa effortless and starts into the passageway.

Cut to shot of Big disappearing down the passageway. The next panel is entirely black signifying the darkness and silence of the cavern now that they have departed. Go to a second black panel, but this time superimposed with sound effects – SKRATCH, SKRATCH, SKRATCH – to indicate that someone or something is behind our heroes lurking in the dark.


MG and Big are walking through the dark passage way. The area immediately around them illuminated by their flashlights, but only a few yard ahead and behind them its pitch black. MG is in front carrying Choopie’s blaster while Big is behind him carrying Arisa.

MG: How you holding up back there? Want me to spell you for a bit and carry her for a while?

Big: No thanks, I’m good.

MG: Ok, but let me know if you change your mind. I’d be glad to do it.

Big: (speaking under his breath to himself) I’m starting to get that impression.

MG: What was that?

Big: (a little embarrassed that MG may have heard him) errr. . . I didn’t say anything.

MG: No, no. I thought I heard something behind us. (holding up his hand for silence) Listen.

At first the passage way is deathly quiet, but just as MG is about to turn and start
walking again they hear it. SKRATCH, SKRATCH, SKRATCH.

MG: There’s definitely something behind us and I don’t think its Molly. Let me get behind you. (MG and Big switch places).

The noise repeats – SKRATCH, SKRATCH, SKRATCH – only louder and closer


Big: Fire a warning shot down the passageway.

MG levels Choopie’s Blaster, aims it high in the passageway and squeezes the trigger, but nothing happens. MG checks that the safety is off, and tries again with similar results. As MG stares down at the blaster in disbelief, again they hear the ominous SKRATCH, SKRATCH, SKRATCH coming down the passage way towards them.

MG: You have got to be kidding me. Choopie, if we find you alive, I swear I’m gonna’ kill you.

Big: What’s that noise.

MG: Oh that, that scratching. That’s nothing, just our impending doom.

Big: No not the scratching, that humming noise.

MG: Humming, what humm . . . (MG and Big simultaneously look down at the blaster and realize that the humming is coming from it.)

MG & Big: (looking at each other) IT’S OVERLOADING . . . . RUN!

MG drops the blaster in the middle of the passage way and he and Big, with
Arisa cradled close to his body for maximum protection, take off down the passageway at a dead run head long into the pitch black. Behind them the humming reaches an ear splitting level and then the blaster explodes collapsing that area of the passageway while sending rock and smoke billowing down the passageway in both directions.


Cut to tight shot of Molly, her eyes wide with wonder and awe. Next panel, still a tight shot of Molly but now her expression changes to one of shock and horror as she hears the echo of the blaster exploding off panel. Molly then turns to the opening of the passage way behind her, the same passage way she knows Arisa, Big and MG are in, and watches with tears forming in her eyes as smoke comes billowing out the passage way exit.

Molly: Guys . . . (with a visible quiver in her voice)

Mere Moments later bursting forth out of the smoke still at a dead run comes first Big, Arisa still cradled in his arms, and then MG right behind him.

Molly: Guys! (now a joyous shout)

Big gently places Arisa on the ground then collapses in a heap gasping for breath with MG collapsing right along side him. Molly then floats down on top of the group hugging them all as best she can.

Molly: I’m so happy to see you guys.

MG: Not as happy (gasp) as we are to see you, Mol, not as happy as we are to see you.

Molly: And you won’t believe what I’ve found.

Big: What did you, (gasp) find?

Molly: Oh not much, just this. (tight shot of Molly gesturing to something behind her which the reader cannot yet see through the dissipating smoke)


Splash Page

The smoke has cleared and there is a wide shot with the team still on the ground in the foreground with Molly’s arm pointing to he background which is filled by an entire intact Anasazi cliff village built into the far wall of the cavern.

MG: It’s amazing.

Big: But, what is it doing here.


Big, still carrying Arisa, with MG walking behind and Molly floating ahead approaches the village. Once there he places Arisa down in one of the dwellings and then steps outside again to get a better look at the cliff dwellings.

Big: (to MG) I think we need to take a closer look at this place. Choopie might be here or there may be a clue to his whereabouts.

(to Molly) Molly, will you stay and keep an eye on Arisa.

Molly: Sure . . . Say guys . . .

MG and Big: Yeah . . .

Molly: Do you think THIS is what really happened to the Anasazi Indians? That something forced them to relocate underground?

Big: I’ve heard stranger theories, mass alien abduction being my favorite, but I’ll see what I can find out. (to MG) Shall we ?

MG: (glancing over to check on Arisa) The sooner we start . . .


Bill Nolan said...

On on the edge of my seat!!! Part 3 can't come soon enough for me.

Great job, Brian.

- Bill

Scott Weinstein said...


I love the second part. The story is building nicely. The indian village is a cool twist. I can't wait to see how everything ties in together.

I really liked the moment with MG and Big, when Big thinks MG is calling him out for his comment, but he was really talking about a different noice. Nicely done.

Now, bring on part 3.


Brian said...

Thanks guys, I had a great time writing it and I'm glad you're enjoying it. Let me know what you think of the ending.


Anonymous said...

Great stuff, Brian!