Wednesday, October 28, 2009

haps halloween contest: christian d. leaf's "a tall drink of blood"


just a couple days to go and i still have entries coming in! so keep your eye on the perhapa-blog, folks, as i'll be posting tomorrow as well as friday this week and i may even have to post an afternoon edition once or twice--!
thanks to everyone who's sent stuff in and, remember, you can still get your submission in until midnight tonight!

so christian is here on the blog all the time. he is a personal friend, a close member of the family, and he is currently inking a two-part back-up story (over matt's fantastic pencils!). so christian sent this in, but immediately disqualified himself from the contest, saying that he's too close and, technically, an employee of "plays well with otters" productions.
craig and i said, you're not an employee if you don't get paid, and put him back in the contest. *

( * sadly, that means that neither craig or i are employees either...)

either way, we present to you...

christian's "a tall drink of blood"

A Tall Drink Of Blood
Christian D. Leaf

“No! No! No!”
Choopie slammed his fridge door closed only to throw the door back open — it was still empty. He rubbed his eyes. C’mon! C’mon! Let there be some blood!
He opened his peepers only to find disappointment: bare shelves and empty fruit pie wrappers. “This isn’t fair! I’m so thirsty. Lousy-no good-non-blood-making-fridgerator…”
He contemplated blasting the empty fridge with the Mess You Up Gun™, but knew it would only result in another lecture by the Chief and after falling asleep during the last lecture Choopie didn’t want to press his luck any further.
The fridge door slammed again, knocking off several Jonas Brothers magnets holding up a self-portrait of Choopie and Larry, which floated to the floor. “I’m sorry, Larry,” Choopie said, picking up the drawing. “Let me put you back up.”
Choopie stormed out of his room and into the hall. Great. Now I’m sad and thirsty. There’s gotta be a way to get some blood around here. He stopped dead in his tracks. Wait a minute! Big always finds stuff on the computer. Maybe it can help me out, too! Sprinting down the hall he nearly knocked over Hammerskold, who hugged the way to avoid the collision. “Slow down, ya maniac!” he yelled , shaking his fist, but Choopie was already out of earshot.
The computer room was empty, which was good since Choopie didn’t want to have to commandeer it from anyone. He typed frantically at the keyboard and hit enter. “C’mon, Google — show me the blood!

“Blood – Wikipedia —pah-leez! Blood Journal — nah. Let’s see…Bloody Mary…chant ‘Bloody Mary’ 13 times in front of a darkened mirror and a bloody — score!”
Back down the hallway sped Choopie. He could see Hammerskold up ahead shaking his fist and yelling. “Can’t talk, Hammie. Got date with Mary! Smell ya!” Choopie said as he buzzed by his teammate.
“Why you little —,” Hammerskold started. “Did he just say date?”
Choopie closed the door to his room and hit the lights. Off came his goggles and his eyes quickly adjusted to their enhanced night-vision. His licked his lips in anticipation, jumped up on his sink and stared as hard as he could at the mirror. “Bloody Mary…”
12 chants later and Choopie was drooling. “C’mon! C’mon! C’mon!” Seconds ticked by like hours. Nothing. “What gives?! If it’s on the internet it’s gotta be true. This is a total rip!” He thought back to what the Bloody Mary article said: chant 13 times in a darkened mirror…wait a minute! Darkened. Not totally dark! He put his goggles back on, fished a flashlight out of his pants pocket and turned back to the mirror.
“Hello, Mary,” he said, thumbing the flashlight to life. Behind him in the mirror stood a woman dressed in blood. The fluid rippled over her as if some unfelt breeze blew through the room. Milk white eyes stood out in her dripping, crimson face. A rictus grin parted her lips, sending mini-bloodfalls over her teeth as she reached out for Choopie.
Screams and moans filled the hallway as Molly was passing by Choopie’s room. Worried, she popped her head through the door, which she quickly pulled back out, blushing. “Molly girl, you’ve got to stop poking your head where it doesn’t belong,” she said, floating off.
The cacophony went silent a few minutes later and Choopie staggered out of his room. His belly was bloated and his face was covered in bloody kisses. A bloody arm snaked out of the dark room, leaving a claret caress on Choopie’s cheek. “Call me,” said a female voice.
“You bet, Mary!” he answered, ambling down the hall. “Smell ya later!”


our pal, tim o'shea over at CBR was nice enough to chat up the perhapanauts halloween spooktacular and, if you're not tired of hearing me talk by now, check out tim's awesome interview!

and make sure to leave some comments while you're over there! anything we can do to let people know that other people are reading this book helps out a lot! so let's see if we can't fill that comment board up, huh? there. that's your halloween challenge...!
go, perhapa-fans!

thanks, tim!
we really appreciate it!


some more halloween pics--PUMPKINS!!!

see ya friday!
smell ya later!


Matt Wieringo said...

Awesome! Christian's story made me laugh out loud. And I'm not just saying that because he's my girlfriend.

That's a great Choopie illo! Who drew it?

todd said...

hey, matt~!
that choopie was done by nikos koutsis, who, coincidentally, drew a story i wrote in the upcoming popgun 4...

Brian said...

Christian, that story is just soooo wrong, but so funny.

Great job.

Ok, off to post a comment on Todd's interview.

Christian D. Leaf said...

Gracias, mi amigos! Choopie and Mary always seemed like they'd make a love connection to me. Now that I think about there a monster dating service? Do they have their own version of Chuck Woolery?

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