Monday, December 07, 2009

christmas tunes--misconscrewed carols!


as christmas season approaches (is HERE is more like it...!) and my nephew continues to be 13, we've been listening to christmas carols on the radio and belting out all of the classics at the top of our lungs! you know the ones i'm talking about--the classics...

"jingle bells, batman smells
robin laid an egg!
the batmobile lost it's wheel
and the joker got away--hey!"

and, of course, there's...

"rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
had a very shiny nose
and if you ever saw it,
you would even say it glows (like a lightbulb)
all of the other reindeer,
used to laugh and call him names
they never let poor rudolph
join in any reindeer games (like monopoly)"

i know there's more to these added
background voccals--i can't remember it all.

here are a couple more i remember from when i was 13...

"sleigh bells rings, are ya listenin'
in the lane, snow is glistenin'
a beautiful sight, we're happy tonight
walkin' 'round in women's underwear!"

"we three kings of orient are
tried to smoke a rubber cigar,
it was loaded and exploded,

we three kings are none."

and this one i wrote myself, sometime back in the 80s...

"away in the manger no crib for his bed,
no disneyland mobile hung over his head,
no snug-fitting pampers for our little lord,
no sign on mom's car that says 'baby on board'."

so, did i miss any? anybody got more to add? i know there are a few of you out there with something i've never heard. lay it on me! 'tis the season! : )


over at jazma online, richard vasseur treated me to a really fun casper interview that i think maybe i was too tired and shouldn't have done at the time (ie; i seem to be a little slow on the uptake...) it's always nice to get some questions that aren't the same old, same old and i appreciate richard thaking things to the next level!
check it out;


the answers to the
"five for friday!"
name the actor

here are three roles that they've portrayed--
name the actor or actress

1. wes mantooth, norman bates, peter le fleur

vince vaughn

2. catherine deane, mary fiore, karen sisco

jennifer lopez

3. pvt. pyle, edgar, carl stargher

vincent d'onofrio

4. tina carlyle, natalie cook, princess fiona

cameron diaz

5. terrence 'terry' mann, king jaffe, joffer, barney hill

james earl jones

happy monday!
smell ya later!


Brian said...

I came up with this one this morning based on the song from the Rankin and Bass version of Rudolph

We are Santa Elves,
Slaving to fill his shelves,
He's got a whip,
so don't give him lip,
Yes, we are Santa's Elves.

JWA said...



Misconscrewed! Great word! I'm going to use that! I need to break it down to its root first though:

Construe comes from the Latin construere meaning "to construct" and is defined today as meaning "to analyze the arrangement and connection of words in (a sentence or sentence part)."

Meanwhile (back at the ranch!!!) screw has multiple meanings in our modern language, a veritable POTPURRI of POSSIBILITIES!!! These range from "a simple machine of the inclined plane type consisting of a spirally grooved solid cylinder and a correspondingly grooved hollow cylinder into which it fits" to "a small packet of tobacco (British)" to "a worn-out horse" to "a prison guard."

But it's principle use in the modern vernacular of vulgar, and certainly in my vocabulary, is to describe that age old standby, or lie down, or what have you, that Steve Martin once described as "one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."


Misconscrew, to be featured in next year's Webster's Dictionary, is defined as "to misunderstand the arrangement and placement of persons... screwing..."

And so... as for Todd's headline today...

Todd... that's blasphemous...


Jared W. Adams
Grand Minister for General Mayhem
New York, NY
December the 7th 2009
1:55 PM EST

Matt Wieringo said...

Then there's

Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire
Jack Frost nipping at your nads

Warren said...

This is one my kids taught me:

Deck the halls with gasoline
fa la la la la fa la la la

Strike a match and watch it gleam
fa la la la la fa la la la

No more learning, books are burning
fa la la fa la la - la la la

Happy Yule, there's no more school
fa la la la la la la la la la

Brian said...

Warren, those kids will go far, with the help of a good lawyer.

Anonymous said...

Dashing through the snow in my rusty Chevrolet.
Down the road I go, sliding all the way.
I need new piston rings. I need some new snow tires.
My car is held together by a piece of chicken wire!

Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.
I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.
The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.
Oh, what fun it is to drive this rusty Chevrolet!

Heywood Jablomie said...

i'm a little behind on things this week but i wanted to post on this one. we had this song in high school, but i only remember this verse, it was an apocalyptic version of winter wonderland:

Look outside wow it's snowing
Holy S@$t! the snow is glowing!
Trudging along, trying to survive
Walking in a nuclear wasteland

Really wish i had saved that somewhere cuz the rest was great....